If you don't know, I have ADHD. Because of this, my brain tends to go in a million different directions on the smallest of nudges. So, I'll hear something which takes me to A which reminds me of B which takes me to C, then D, etc. Often, I'll end up in a completely different area then I started and trying to trace my thought process for other people ends up being confusing and convoluted. It makes sense to me because my brain sees connections, but often I can't exactly explain the connection and it doesn't make sense to other people without a fair amount of explanation.
I start with that because I had an experience like that at Vespers at my church last night (December 4th) and then again this morning based on a post and question from Brian Murphy on Queer Theology's Sanctuary Collective. As is my brain's wont, it wandered through a bunch of thoughts. Brian asked people to respond and I realized that I had more to say than could really be said in a reply online, hence I am here. So, let's get started.
Last night at Vespers, we read the story of the Annunciation. After we read the story, Pastor Kari read to us from Into the Mess by Debie Thomas and then asked us to reflect on what we heard. What struck me was something Thomas wrote about how the angel greeted Mary and how the greeting "Highly favored one" was a new identity that Mary was given before she did anything or agreed to be the Theotokos ("God-bearer" or "Mother of God"). So, naturally, the first place my mind went was to queer or trans people who change their names to better reflect their full identity. Also, in the Bible, there are many, many times where people were given new names to reflect changing circumstances or something different. A few examples: Abram and Sarai to Abraham and Sarah, Jacob to Israel, Simon to Peter, and Saul to Paul. Growing up, I was always told that "highly favored one" was merely a descriptor of Mary, not an identity. The difference is that an identity tells us something central or foundational about you, it describes who you are at your core. A descriptor, on the other hand, is more relational because it describes how someone else sees you or thinks about you. So, it is not about who you are, but rather about how someone else sees you. Looked at in this light, "highly favored one" takes on a different and deeper meaning. It is describing Mary as being "highly favored" at her core and as a basic part of who she is rather than merely seen as favored by God. I will also admit that my view of this is colored by the fact that I grew up Catholic and I still have a deep devotion to Mary. I see her as someone who we should be striving to emulate. She served and loved God and also strove to instill a sense of justice in Jesus (see the Magnificat and then listen to the Queer Theology podcast episode about the Magnificat).
This also led me down a path that ultimately made me reflect on people who come out of conservative Christian traditions and end up deconstructing and reconstructing their faith or just leaving their faith altogether. More often than not, we are given an image of God as vindictive and obsessed with justice and these qualities tend to overshadow the Love and Mercy of God. We are given this image of God as the stern Father or Judge who holds all of our sins and faults against us. Sure, they might say that God Loves us or something, but the overwhelming message is one of terror and punishment. After all, there's a reason why Hell and being damned are so popular and widely discussed in those circles. One major turning point in my life was when I experienced God's Love and realized that it is unconditional and irrevocable. It is something I can build my life and beliefs on. If God's Love is unconditional and not dependent on what we do (in a similar way that Mary's identity as "highly favored" was not dependent on what she did), then we can rest assured in Their Love and know that we are always Loved no matter what other humans may say.
And this, coupled with what someone else said about Mary's faith and bravery (see what I mean about my mind going down different paths quickly?) brought to mind that question of whether or not Mary went through any sort of process before she accepted what the angel said to her. Did she just hear it and trust (which is what I was taught growing up) or did she have to take some time to actually consider and ponder what she had been told? In Luke 2:19, we are told that, after the shepherds visited Jesus in the manager because the angels appeared to them, "Mary committed these things to memory and considered them carefully." (Common English Bible) or "But Mary treasured up all these things and pondered them in her heart." (NIV) I wonder if she "pondered" or "considered...carefully" what the angel said to her when he announced that Mary would bear a son.
This moment changed Mary's life in ways that I don't think any of us could possibly imagine. And that leads me to what Brian asked us to consider this morning (December 5th). His post talked about how the Magi "were so moved by their encounter with Jesus, so transformed by what they experienced that they could not help but to return another way. They were forever changed." He then asked us, "What are some moments that have been transformation for you in your gender, sexuality, relationship, and faith journeys? Take a moment to remember them and to name them as holy, because I really do believe they are." And it's that question which connected to what we were talking about at Vespers. Like Mary's life and the lives of the Magi were changed by their encounters with the Divine, I think about the things that changed my life in profound and meaningful ways. And to be honest, if I listed them all, I would be writing for some time. So, I want to really just look at a few of them. I am not going to talk about the experience I had when I was a senior in college because I've talked about it several times, so I want to look at three other things that changed my life.
The first thing that really changed me was may acceptance and acknowledgement that I was queer in 2002. I had known for years that I liked guys, but I had always resisted it or told myself that it was a phase that I would get over. When I accepted that I was queer, it started a shift within me of how I perceived myself and the world. I no longer looked at queerness as something outside of me or something that I had to struggle to suppress, but as something that was a part of who I was. There was a process there. First, I went through a phase where I said it was only one facet of who I was and not that important. Ultimately, I moved to seeing it as something that was fundamental to me, and it grew in importance. As I moved through the stages to this destination, I was also changing my political and religious beliefs. And I don't think that would have happened without my accepting my queerness.
The second thing was leaving the Catholic Church. As I accepted my queerness more and more, I realized that, for me, being Catholic was fundamentally incompatible with being queer. I know there are people who can be both, but I couldn't do it myself. So, I left the Catholic Church in 2010 and didn't go to church for about 5 years (summer of 2015). That summer, I realized that I was missing the sense of community that I got from church, so I decided to look for a liturgical church that was also accepting of queer people. On November 8, 2015, I entered the doors of Christ the Servant Lutheran Church in Gaithersburg, MD after having visited (and rejecting) a few other churches. And that is where I made my religious home. I've become very involved in the church and, through the support of people there and the support of other friends, realized that I am non-binary which led to my changing my pronouns to match my newly realized sense of self. Please note that I did not take on a new identity at this time, rather I realized a part of me I hadn't been able to name before. I did ultimately take on a new name, but that was in 2019 after I realized that my birth name wasn't fitting who I now knew I was. If I hadn't left the Catholic Church, none of this would have happened.
The third thing was learning about Queer Theology from my friend Hugo. He made a post on Instagram about seeing an object and naming what it made you think of and that led me to Brian and Fr. Shay. These two men have had a massive impact on my life and my faith, so much so that I call them my spiritual daddies. They formed a community that has provided me, and others, with the support we need to fully acknowledge who we are and to explore our relationship to the Divine. Before I heard about QT, I would say that most of my beliefs were pretty mainline Christianity. I hadn't really thought about things as much as I could have, and I didn't really challenge some of the beliefs I grew up with. Brian and Fr. Shay helped provide a framework that allowed me to feel grounded while also allowing me to question and explore. They also give you space and a community where questioning is not only allowed but also welcomed. Sanctuary Collective is a space where I have gone with questions or dilemmas. And it is thanks to Sanctuary Collective that I realized that I am biromantic and that realization gave me the support I needed to ultimately realize that I am greysexual and biaesthetic.
Brian's note about how these experiences are holy brought me to some things my friend Billie Hoard has said. If you don't know who Billie is, let me gush about her for a bit. She is a trans woman, a teacher, a father, and she writes about theology, C.S. Lewis, and queerness on social media (look for @billieiswriting on Instagram and Threads and she is also on Bluesky, but I don't remember the link). Every day (or almost every day), she posts about how queerness and transness are holy and how they enrich our lives. I couldn't help but hear her as I was reading Brian's words. Queerness and transness are a part of the fabric of the universe that God created. Our lives and experiences show how expansive the world is and how free everyone can be if we try and loosen the shackles that the world has placed on us. Queerness and transness defy the binaries that the world wants to impose on us and allows us to see possibility and hope.
If you've made it this far, thank you. I hope it was moderately well organized and easily understandable. If you have any questions, please do not hesitate to ask. I'll try my best to answer.
Love you all.
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